The Real Alice
by Xenolord
Summary: I came across these rantings while digging around at a garage sale one Friday eve. I can't say their true, and part of me doesn't want to know. Suffice to say, I believe the world should see these.


Poster's Note and Disclaimer: I did not write what is described in these pages. While digging around in a box of my some stranger's old things they had at a garage sale, I came across these loosly-bound pages buried beneath a stack of baseball cards (I also bought the baseball cards). While the chapter divisions and titles are my own addition, I do not claim that any of this is mine. I can't say it's true, and I can't say it's not, but what I can say is that the story this ranting claims to be false, was originally written by one Lewis Carroll.

The Real Alice

Prologue: "What's Never Said"

As I transcribe this story for you all to read and understand, I take my very existence into my own hands. There are powers beyond even mortal comprehension which would not allow for such a sacrilege of such tenants in which I breach. All four Aces would sooner see the Mortal World destroyed before their world would be brought to such horrific light.

Many and often is the story of Alice, the blonde-haired, blue-eyed damsel who tumbled head-over-heels down a nearly endless Rabbit Hole unto the mystical realm of Wonderland told to child and adult alike. The young woman finding herself in a whimsical world of color and delight. However... I have come across this 'Wonderland' myself, and it is nothing which you may have been told as a babe.

The landscape is twisted and dark, bones and death line the paths of this world.

And it is because I feel guilty for surviving my foray into 'Wonderland' that I write this now, and that the Suit Royalty now chases me.

First, there is Alice. Alice was a real girl who did, indeed, tumble down the Rabbit Hole, but I am afraid that is the extent of the story, and reality's, similarities. To understand Alice and what she is, you must first understand both 'Wonderland' and the 'Bad Lands'. Encased within this planet we call earth, lies two different planes of existence. The first, and the one we all know, is called 'Grafalund', or 'Light Land'. It is a place fit for only the existence of mortals and their ilk, a bland, inviting world in which change and excitement are kept to a bare minimum.

Second, is 'Vunderlund', or 'Dark Land'. It can be seen how the story twisted the name of this moonlit land into a place of magic and enchantment. In Vunderlund, the plane is shrouded in eternal darkness, the sun never given lease. It is because of this persistent night, in which Vunderlund can support creatures in which the habitat and denizens of Grafalund would never accept.

Some may call such creatures 'Monsters' or 'Demons', but the fact remains they are no more monsters then you or I.

The stories were right about some of Alice. She was a blonde-haired, beautiful damsel. But what is never said is the fire crimson of her eyes, the pale-as-death glow of her skin, and the knives which fill her mouth. During my stay in Vunderlund, I took it upon myself to research Alice's 'condition', if one wishes to call it so. The denizens of Vunderlund call her people 'Vitaens', or 'People of the Blood'. The most common connection I can make to Grafalund lore would be the Night Creatures called 'Vampires', but the Vitaens, from my studies, were much more.

Second correction I feel I must make is the character in the classic story called only 'The White Rabbit'. While classically depicted as, literally, a white rabbit, the truth is far stranger. In Grafalund, the White Rabbit worked in a place ironically called 'The Rabbit Hole'. As one could probably guess, the White Rabbit was, to put things lightly, a 'working girl'. A creature of the night... much like Alice. Although, this was but a front. The White Rabbit actually worked for the Royal Suits, a military organization the likes of which Grafalund is (luckily) alien to. However, the closest thing we in Grafalund have would be our Marine Corps.

The next correction I feel I must make is on the part of the character called the Cheshire Cat, the small, furry feline who's smile presists even far after it's gone. While that part of the story is true, and the real Cheshire Cat did, in fact, have a smile that would be left with the viewer long after the body of the Cat vanished, I'm afraid the Cheshire Cat was no real cat, but instead, a shrewd, cautious, and manipulating gambler, who took it upon him self to 'liberate' passing tourists of their monetary burdens.

Moving along would be our next literary euphemism, the Caterpillar. While I dare not to venture to guess what one would have to ingest to believe such wild and imaginative tales as were spun around this particular creature, I'm afraid I know. You see, the Caterpillar was well known across Vunderlund as Mr. C.R. Pillar, Herbalist and vendor of 'Feel-Goods' across the land. While he uses the term Herbalist, I am inclined to use a more brunt, invasive term. 'Drug Lord.' He grew, packaged and sold hallucinogens and sense-dulling drugs to any and all who had the funds to pay for such a luxury. I dare not say what he convinced young Alice to ingest during her stay, and I admit what is written in the next few pages are pure speculation, I venture not to guess outside the realm of feasibility.

While not a hatter in it's purest form, the small, riddle-speaking, tea-drinking form known universally as 'The Mad Hatter', does indeed fit fixtures for people's head, however they are less hat-shaped... and more bullet shaped. Indeed, the Hatter was Vunderlund's premier purveyor of pistols and packages of preposterously powerful punch.

The March Hare, Dourmouse, and other minor characters in the classic tale shall all be revealed at the proper time, but at the moment, I do not feel as if an explanation on the 'hardly seen' denizens of Vunderlund is pertinent at the time.

And one final correction before I begin transcribing my own will and dirge, is in the Queen of Hearts, the mean-spirited, anger-driven, beheading-happy madwoman who can only be described as Fury Incarnate. Well... I'm afraid the original author wasn't too far from the truth there...


End file.
